I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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