ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
