I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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