Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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