Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
