guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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