Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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