I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
