When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
