there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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