Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
