He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
