yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
