how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
