His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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