Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
