I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I sprained my soul last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
