I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
