everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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