if you like me you must not know who I am
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
