I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
