Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The best revenge is premature balding
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
