Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
