Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
