Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
