This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
