how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize