I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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