You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize