escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
