Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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