as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
