We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
