i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
