I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
