weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
