I CAN MOONWALK!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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