Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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