The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
