How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize