if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
