Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
