seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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