i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm always down for nudity.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
