i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize