Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
