then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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