my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
