is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
