A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
