I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've blown a few things in my day
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
