the condom got lost in my hair
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
