How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
