Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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