we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
