It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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