no, he came in my armpit
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize