woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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