Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
