apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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