last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
