Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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