i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
