cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
