Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
