Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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