you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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