how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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