I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
