You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
