hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I cut my penus on the lid.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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