i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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