the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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