Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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