I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
