i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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