Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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