Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
