It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize