I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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