he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
