I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
