You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
