I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize