the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
