Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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