but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
