a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
