Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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