i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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