I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
