I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize