Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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