How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
