i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
