these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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