Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
