He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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