Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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