you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
