ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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