My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
