She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
time to smoke my breakfast
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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