I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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