Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
