forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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