Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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