final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We got so high we made milksteak
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize