Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
