if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
