Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize