did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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