idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
