even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
