Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
