so explain again why im purple
no
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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